a rare north Texas morning

Today, I am delighting in all the beautiful blessings that God has given us.  This morning, we awoke to a breathtaking view.  I would have loved to share it with you but, unfortunately, this photo is all I was able to capture of it.  Snow flurries were pouring down onto rooftops and tree branches and a thick layer of snow smothered the grass.  It was an amazing sight and unusual this early in north Texas.  But we enjoyed every moment of it.  And now, I sit at my computer, grateful for all that this season holds.  There is much to be grateful for! 

 Three years ago, our Christmas tree would have sat perfectly in one spot, untouched but admired.  Today, there are ornaments nearly falling off the branches, others are lying on the ground beside the tree.  I look all around my home and find traces of my little boy.  He has really made our house a “home”.  In my room, on the floor, sit three mini toy trains and miniature house shoes, or as my son calls them, “house boots”.  My family room almost resembles a child’s playroom with books and papers scattered about, toys and mini cars covering the coffee table.  I see our “mess” and I smile.  I love it.  I love the “realness” that my son brings to our home.  We are blessed to have a son and I am completely aware that he is God’s gift to us, a treasure that we have been entrusted with but for a moment.  Time passes so quickly that I just want to stop and savor all the goodness that God has placed before us. 

 Today, a baby boy is being born to special friends of ours.  Yesterday, another close friend was blessed with the birth of twin boys.  And within days, another special family member will give birth to a baby girl.  God just seems to be pouring out His love all around us and I am overwhelmed with gratefulness. 

 Life, with all its imperfections and hurts, can sometimes cause us to fear and doubt our actual worth to such an enormous God.  Asking ourselves, “does He really see me and care?”  But as we stop to look all around us, we can usually see how all the little things that make us smile are daily gifts from a loving God.  There IS so much to be grateful for. God has given us a warm home, food in our pantry, friends and family that love us, the gift of joy that children bring, and today, the beauty of snow, if even for just a few hours. My husband James and I may not be considered wealthy in the eyes of this world, but I have never felt more full and blessed than I do in this season of life.  And I only have Christ to thank for all that is good and for all that makes me smile.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord.  “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

I am reminded of this scripture today and, unfortunately, I am reminded about this scripture because I have spent the majority of my day worrying.  I am a worrier and I wish I was more of a warrior.  I know that despite the fears that I am facing, I serve a God who is greater than any fear that may come my way.

I woke up today worried about the health of my family. The weather has been changing so much and there are so many illnesses going around that I worry we won’t stay healthy.  My husband is just recovering from a pretty nasty cold and I have been praying my son and I won’t catch it.  While I was preparing some desserts for our Thanksgiving feast tomorrow, I was worrying about our finances and the upcoming holiday season that is loaded with birthdays, anniversaries, and gift giving.  I fret over the mess that exists in my house because I have not managed to get organized after our long getaway in south Texas.  And in the midst of my worrying, I came to the realization that I have not stopped to really talk to God today.  Why do I do that?  Why don’t I just start every single day in conversation with God?  I know that only He will give me the courage to face all things that come my way. 

So, I am refreshed.  I feel lighter now.  I know that God will provide all that we need.  His plans for us are good.  He has given us a future and a hope.  Knowing this about the God I serve and who loves us, what do we really have to worry about?  Now, if I could always just remember this before I start to worry, not after!

In my early twenties, the idea of being a stay at home mother was quite unappealing.  I couldn’t even visualize my life with children in it at the time.  No, I was going to climb the corporate ladder, wear heels and smart glasses, sip wine and just be…so intelligent.  Well, I consider myself intelligent (most days), but I never quite made it far up that ladder and I occasionally sip wine, and I certainly do not wear heels anymore, lest I trip over my diaper bag and fall flat on my face.  No, I wear capris and t-shirts, keep my hair pulled back, and spend hours a day sitting on the floor playing cars, making crafts, and pretending to be silly characters that make my son giggle.  And…I have to say, I love it, but mainly because I love him. 

It has been a journey to get here.  I wasn’t sure in the beginning that I could be a full time mom and really be happy with my life.  I wasn’t sure that I had made the right decision to start a family.  I was unsure of so many things and doubted my ability to be who I thought I needed to be.  But, the more I got to know Matthew, the more he grew on me.  The more he grew on me, the more I loved him.  Now, two years later, I can honestly say that Matthew was more of a gift to me than I ever knew.  He has changed me and for the better.  He has left very little room for all the selfish parts of me to thrive, and replaced those areas with love and a desire to give.  He has changed our home from just a place we rest to a place we learn, grow, and experience.  He has brought us joy and has made us a family. 

I think back to the nights I prayed to God telling Him that I needed strength to  make it through the sleepless nights and frazzled days of the that first year.  I told God I had faith that He wouldn’t have brought Matthew to us if He knew I couldn’t handle being his mother.  I prayed and stuck it out.  God knew what we now know…our son would make us feel blessed.

It is heartbreaking for me and makes me angry to see these children who have lost their parents for various reasons…most have never had parents.  Why?  Why are these children left behind and abandoned for things that they are not responsible for?  Several of the children I see from other countries are abandoned because they were born w/ abnormalities and it breaks my heart because those children are in need of even greater love and care from their parents.  After the anger dies down and turns to sadness, I understand.  I understand why a couple living in an underdeveloped country, who are in poverty and can barely feed themselves, HAVE TO give up their special needs child.  How would they care for him or her when they can barely care for themselves?  I understand why some of these mothers have had to make the choices they have.  After the anger passes, I understand. 

My prayer today is that God would prepare more hearts and hands to love and hold these innocent children.  Every child deserves loving arms to cling to, trustworthy eyes to look into, and a chance to live their best life. 

God loves the orphaned child.  I know that His plan was not for these children to be left unloved and cast away.  It is our own selfishness and human nature that has left 143 million children parentless. 

And now I ponder the question that Tom Davis, author of Fields of the Fatherless, has asked.  Is the answer adopting a child, or is it orphan care?  Tom states, “When you do that right [orphan care], people get a heart for adoption, but they also get a heart for orphans in general”.  What can I do for the millions of orphans who are in desperate need?  What can I do for just one orphan and how can I make one orphan feel loved?

November is Adoption Awareness Month.  No, that doesn’t mean you need to take a moment to consider adoption, because adoption is not the “now” answer for everyone.  But, we could take some time to educate ourselves about the statistics that surround orphans.  Visit a website or buy a book and be informed.  There are millions of suffering children in our world today.  The numbers and the stories are overwhelming and heartbreaking.  But does ignoring the facts make it go away?  If all of us, individuals or families, did just one thing to make the life of one orphan just a little bit easier, what an impact we could have. 

So, this upcoming holiday season, skim through your children’s clothing, shoes, and toys and remember that another child could certainly benefit from your child’s used items.  Maybe spend an afternoon shopping with your children to supply an orphan with everyday items, such as, shampoo, soap, diapers, a toothbrush, warm socks, a jacket, or even a teddy bear.  The need is great.  Everyday stuff that we take for granted is truly valued to those who do not have.  Orphans across our world spend their day without shoes on their feet or socks to keep feet warm.  There is so much we could do!

If you don’t know where to take your items, you can search for a distribution center near you or log on to Buckner. org for information.

This book has touched my heart and has answered the question, “what can one person do for the millions around us that are in need, right now?”  This is one of the shortest books I have read, but one that is very inspiratational.  This is the book I pick up when I find myself complaining about anything in my life or feeling sorry for myself.  I just read the first few pages and I immediately realize how blessed I really am.  The mere fact that we have a roof over our heads, eat 3 meals a day, and have people to call family, makes us immensely wealthier than the majority of the people living on this earth.  We are unbelievably blessed.

You can find Fields of the Fatherless on Amazon or at www.hopechest.org

http://www.buckner.org/involved-you.shtml– this one gives great ideas!

http://www.myspace.com/showhope  Really like this site.  Scroll down to the bottom and watch the videos. 

Good night and God Bless.

There are an estimated 143 million children around our world with no mother or father.  There are 143 million orphans!  What does that even look like?  I cannot begin to comprehend.  And several nights I go to sleep wondering how one person can do anything about the hundreds of millions of children who need a place to call home.  Where do you even start?  Sure, there are charities and drives that can be organized to clothe and feed these innocent souls, but how does that make up for the loving pair of arms that they lack for a sense of security?  How is my donating a pair of shoes to an orphanage going to meet the emotional needs of these tiny hearts?  Perhaps the answer is that it can’t.  I can’t possibly make this horrifying statistic go away, but maybe changing the life of one child is better than doing nothing at all.   Maybe providing warm clothes for a few would be better than letting these few go cold in the winters.  Just maybe if I mentor a child at a local “home”  I could show this child that someone does care and that they are worth much more than they might think.  Perhaps if I open up my heart and my home to a child, I will have changed the course of somebody’s life. 

No, I can’t make this statistic go away.  I cannot provide loving arms and a warm home for all 143 million orphans as much as I wish that were humanly possible.  But I can start by doing something for one child, or perhaps clothing 2 children, or perhaps feeding 5 children.  If we all did just one thing for one child, could we eventually reach 143 million children in our world?

I have a son.  He is a beautiful 18 month old boy who loves to cuddle and loves to make others laugh.  He is a blessing.  Getting here has been a journey though; getting to the point of truly appreciating everything that having Matthew means.  It becomes clearer month by month, just who I am now and how I got here.

I don’t know if it was post partum depression, shock, selfishness, or a combination of the three that grabbed a hold of me and didn’t let me go.  All I know is that when the doctors handed Matthew over to me shortly after his birth, I was filled with fear and anxiety.  Like the responsible adult that I should be, I gulped down these feelings of anxiety and became…a mom. 

I did not know how to manage anymore with a newborn.  My life was turned upside down.  How could I possibly make it all fit and make sense?  I had to be a loving and supportive mother and a loving and supportive wife, and somehow figure out what happened to me.  Where do I fit in this new world and do I even matter?  Should I matter? 

Let me backtrack a bit.  When I learned I was pregnant, my husband and I both new that the best thing for us and our family was for me to stay home with our son for a few years.  So, I quit a job that I truly enjoyed, packed up the suits and heels, and invested in some comfy gouchos and t-shirts.  No more morning lattes with the girls, no more small chatter over the latest happenings in the workplace, and no more vegging in front of the tv after a long-day’s work.  Yep, my world was turned upside-down.

But was it really the loss of the job that put me in that funk or was it more than that?  I stressed constantly about doing everything perfect for Matthew.  I stressed about how I would manage when I took him in public, what if he cries, what if he gets sick, what if it’s too cold or too close to his nap time?  I stressed about any and every single thing I could think up.  I was a mess.

As time passed, it got easier and I became more accustomed to life as a stay at home mom.  But I mean…a lot of time passed.  It wasn’t until Matthew was about a year that I really felt more comfortable being out and about with him.  I also realized how special it is and how lucky I am that I get to be home with him and really get to know him.  In just a few short years, he will be off to school and I will miss our time together. 

I really think that my main struggle was the selfishness within me.  Becoming a mother has really challenged the selfish part of me that I now see was bigger than I knew.  It’s just so easy to become so involved in your own life and self when you have no real responsibility aside from yourself.  Sure, I remember the carefree evenings my husband and I would share together in some frou frou restaurant or at the movies or even just in front of the tube.  But nothing has brought us more smiles and heart-tugging joy than this little 18 month boy we call Matthew.